A few days ago I decided to do one thing to receive feedback from my mother about what are some things that I should change and myself. Before getting into this conversation, I had decided to not defend myself, but be calm and listen to what she had to say.
When I asked her this question, she gave me a list. Despite my intention to stay calm, I could feel a pit in my stomach, my heartbeat racing, my fists clenching and I had the instinct to respond and defend myself. But I recognised these sensations, let them go, took a deep breath and started listening again.
Later I started pondering over what she had said and could see that there was deep value in what she had said. A couple of my behaviours, even though unintentional, may have ended up hurting her a few times. I also felt compassion for my mother for her strength to put with my reactions without retaliating.
In such times the tendency could be to get trapped in guilt and exacerbate the situation. I chose to be kind to myself and not go on a guilt trip and committed to doing my best to amend my reactions.
A few days since that I've been practising and every time I have the instinct to respond, I remind myself of the commitment, and it has helped immensely. Not that I am always successful, however, these small steps go a long way in bringing about a change.
So I think mindfulness works on so many levels, that it allows us to look deeper, and sometimes it can be really, really unsettling but it also has a lot of value and by being mindful about my speech and my actions, now I can take incremental steps towards change. Another thing I am letting go of is the need to have 100% results immediately but to be more mindful and offer my best as much as I can. Who's that one important stakeholder from whom you could dare to get feedback?
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